Fear Of Loneliness, A Faulty Mindscript for Getting into A Relationship

The Centre for the Study of Developing Societies (CSDS) in 2017 studied 6,000 people aged 15-34 years across 19 States, and found that 12% of India’s youth reported feeling depressed often, and about 8% frequently felt lonely Among other factors, isolation, poor physical and mental health, low self-esteem and internet addiction are the key factors responsible for increasing loneliness amongst Indian youth.

Loneliness is a very uneasy feeling It could be that a girl or boy feels inadequate/fearful of being lonely which may stem from childhood abandonment or rejection.

fear of being alone often stems from childhood abandonment or rejection. A person who struggles with an inability to be alone may make impulsive and poor choices in a partner such as immediately replacing one relationship for another, they may overstay in an unfulfilling relationship to prevent being alone, or they may romanticize a casual relationship or fling as being more intimate than it is. Similarly, they may dismiss, minimize, or deny the red flags of incompatibility, lack of shared goals or values, or differences in intelligence or career aspirations.

Let’s understand a irrational self talk about loneliness “I feel so lonely in this fake world , there’s not a single friend who can be there for me,’

Maybe I am not a good person, maybe I am not fun enough or interesting enough or not good looking, I am a totally worthless human being, since I have no one whom I can have a heart-to-heart talk “

Let’s understand the belief manufacturing the self-talk. The belief is irrational and Dr Albert Ellis of Rational emotive behavioural therapy says a result of the conditioning from childhood, and a core belief of demandingness, that I should have people when I feel restless and lonely and if they are not there for me, I judge them emotionally unavailable.

So, the fact is loneliness is a self-created and fuels negative emotions like sadness, anxiety and makes a person go about seeking a partner just to fill up the void. If the person chosen also suffers from loneliness, the result is to emotionally unavailable self-centred individuals lacking empathy. This is a most likely to break up sooner or later because two centred individuals lack the practical script to collaborate and lay some common goals with common purpose. So, if both indulge in pleasure seeking activities like drinking, smoking, and substance the result is obvious. The relationship is not sustained and trust issues will creep up very soon.  

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